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August 31 通过了，通过了！今天是SCWCD（Sun Certified Web Component Developer ）考试的日子，要早起，所以也就只睡了4个小时。
复习了一周了，看了整整一周的jsp的代码，真是鬼画符。
看这个东西，看一个小时要休息一个小时。
死了不少脑细胞
今天的成绩让我的心情好多了
再加上最近又收到了SCJP（Sun Certified Java Programmer）的证书，java这一块的认证可以告一个段落了。
一分耕耘，一分收获？
最近的生活很规律，每天3点睡，12点起。一天三顿饭，复习、游戏和电视。
生活渐渐恢复了平静。
清醒的时候，当然是没事。
睡着了，这个就不好说了。
今天早上在地铁上，没睡醒，迷迷糊糊的，在听歌。
第一首歌就是《梦醒时分》。喜欢这首歌有好多年了，无论是曲子，还是陈淑桦的嗓音。
但是今天听来，思绪停滞，真是有点懵了。
有时候常常痛恨自己，但是唯有时间可以解决问题。
在这种时候，朋友对我来说从没有这么亲切过。
半夜的时候，上QQ和MSN，竟然还有和我一样的夜猫子。大家聊聊天，互相问问近况。
对我来说，其实不在乎聊什么。无论说什么，就算是几句问候，我的心里都不会觉得空落落的。
睡眠已经不是什么问题。
所以，谢谢大家，谢谢你们。
常常觉得自己还是很不成熟、不很坚强。
慢慢来... August 25 睡不着太他妈恶心了，就是睡不着！以前也会谁不着，但是不过就是一天两天。这会儿已经两个星期没睡好了。就算是睡着了也不安稳。天天还要数羊，搞得最近连看见羊肉都觉得恶心。数羊貌似没什么用！越数越兴奋，真是不知道哪个白痴想出来的办法！每天都是三四点才能睡，有时候得挨到天亮。但愿这日子不会持续太久，否则真要崩溃了。睡不着的时候居然在看日剧，中文译名叫《冷暖人间》，原名应该是叫《桥田寿贺子剧场 渡行的世间有鬼》。拍得挺不错的，人情世故，淋漓尽致。打球的状态极差，体能都得不到保障，判断力就不提了，都是因为睡眠不好！！！怎么说呢？我想我是失控了。幸好马上要考试了，调整一下！August 19 一周了
事情已经过去一周了， 我的生活慢慢地恢复了正常，对大多数人来说也许应该说是不正常。
这件事对我的影响应该是很大的，我终于可以体会到《奋斗》中陆涛在失恋之后的种种不可思议的表现。每天其实都有不正常的时候，也就是半夜。在临睡之前，我总是无法控制自己地想着那个人和过去的事。辗转反侧，挥之不去。
每天都会很晚才睡着，基本上都要3点，每次都是累到不行了……我只是期盼不要做梦，因为只要是梦，她都会出现。不论是否是噩梦，对我都不是一件好事。每天醒来都已经是中午。房间里一片寂静，我有一种错觉，不知道自己身处何时何地……
我努力地想转移注意力。复习JAVA的认证测试、打游戏、看电影，每一件事仿佛都又提不起干劲，总觉得少了些什么。有时候觉得时间过得很快；有时候又觉得时间过得非常慢。一个人，有时候觉得非常寂寞。
我们也许就这么结束了，其实我们都累了。
两年间，我们都付出过，所以也没有更多的遗憾。
事实是我们也许走不到一起，但是我们曾经没有放弃，可惜现在也许失去了坚持的理由。
生活总是在继续……一位前辈说，我的人生才刚刚开始。我想把握好现在才是更重要的。
我正在适应没有她的生活，但是我本能地很抗拒这样做。这就是生活。
我不知道开学后会怎么样……
也许是我想的太多了，有些事不是我能控制的。我只能控制好我自己。
没事了 August 18 羽球记事（四）
昨天早上起来就发现感觉不太好，到达体育馆的时候就有点后悔了，当时就在想今天的状态不是一般的差了。也许前一天真的是累了，休息的不够。
再加上心情不是很好。
由于没有热身，第一场男双输得莫名其妙，那个比分真的是惨，我的表现就快赶上中国男足了。
没有最滥，只有更滥。
刚下来，一个老头子找我单调。第一局我就被1：8，心情极度郁闷。幸好有人找我双打。
这回是没怎么打过的混双，准确地说，我们这边混双，对手男双。不是一般的劣势。在极度郁闷之下，我的状态失控了，反正也热开了，大开杀戒，一个人满场飞。杀球杀红了眼，估计隔网而战的对手被我吓傻了……结果非常满意，我们居然22：20赢了。
下场之后，满脸的汗水，心里舒服多了。
关于羽毛球，还有两件事，让我很不爽。
第一件，我的破电视机上不到央视五套和上海体育频道，也就是说我看不到林丹vs李宗伟的男单决赛！
第二件，早上打完球发现球鞋磨破，才半年啊，就他妈的要换鞋了，1000大洋就这样没了。 August 14 羽球记事（三）
今天晚上的状态我还是比较满意的。
体力上基本上没有什么问题，打完基本上也不是很累。
技术上算是有好有坏。总的来说还是老毛病，失误太多，主要原因是觉得速度和节奏上不来，注意力不太集中。那件事对我来说还是很有影响的。
双打方面很对不起搭档，由于上述原因，出球太慢、杀球又没有什么太大的威胁。这个值得说一下，我的进攻能力还是可以的，主要是太单调，杀球的落点控制的不好。总算杀吊结合得还可以。
单打方面由于没有和高手过招，我打得还行，正手接发球劈杀发挥正常，进攻直线和斜线结合的也不错。不太满意的是头顶斜线劈杀打得不好，这个本来是我得分的手段。能赢两场单打我想应该是对手太弱了。
周六早上有场球，今天要调时差，否则以现在的作息习惯，周六就起不来了。 The Third Day: Exile
It is still hard for me to describe my feeling today. I didn’t know what I should do when I had gotten up. Soon afterwards I remembered that I must have lunch earlier than normal times because I must arrive at Yanchang Campus in order to get a ticket at 13:00. Though I had tried my best to save time, I was late with some chagrin. I met some classmates. Someone asked me about us, I just said OK because I did not know what I should say.
The football game was so boring that I couldn't care about the result. Furthermore, I didn’t want to watch the next so I decided to come back home.
When I was waiting for the subway, I can’t help missing her. When I sat down in the subway, I was powerless to prevent from recollection. The last two years passed from my mind. After that, my mind was a complete blank I couldn’t think about anything. I didn’t want to go to anywhere. I feared night, darkness and loneliness at that moment because I just felt helplessness and hopelessness. I had missed the station one by one till I began to be aware that the train had finished a lap.
I think I didn’t become lost. I was willful, naive and weak, but not always. August 13 羽球记事（二）
今天在回来途中看到有女单的转播，卢兰vs黄妙珠。本来我到不是很在意，但是一看比分我就停下来了。第二局打到26平，这个紧张的气氛倒是似曾相识。最后这几分打得惊心动魄，总算是赢下来了。我在打比赛的时候也出现过这样的比分，我能够部分体会这是的心理状态。说部分是因为她站在了奥运会的赛场上，这种气氛我无法想象。说能体会是因为在这样的比分下，一个人面临的压力是很难描述的。比赛能锻炼人啊！朱指导常常这么说。
明天俱乐部照例有活动，不知道以我目前的状态会打成个什么鸟样子，希望明天还知道什么是羽毛球！ The Second Day: Cherishing
Today is the second day.
When I saw the sunshine yesterday morning, I have never felt that it is so beautiful. However, in fact, it is twelve. I still had no idea about time but I know I am hungry.
Something will never change, such as sunrise and moondown.
My father came back yesterday. I had no idea about how to tell the story and express my mood to my parents. When my father had asked something about us, I just wore a cheerful smile. I think I can deal with it by myself.
I talked with my father in the whole afternoon. We talked about Olympic game such as the opening ceremony, badminton, basketball and so on. I am not sure about what I said and what I thought. It was too bad that Chinese national basketball team lost the game but I did not care.
In the evening, when I took my notebook computer from schoolbag, I found a damaged hair clip by accident, which belongs to her. It reminded me the past. I can’t stop... At this moment, I can’t control my tears flow down. It was not the first time and may be the last time.
I know I miss …
I know how to cherish something.
I am OK. Everything is OK. August 12 A Lonely Heart
Today is very unusual for me. It’s the first time I feel that my life lose its colour. It is very hard for me to express myself. I am all of tremble. I still have no idea to deal with the love between us.
Perhaps, I don’t understand what love is. At least, I think love should not make us tired and sad but the fact is ridiculous. When I read the last message from her in last Saturday, I have known that she didn’t care anything about us. I was not more important than IELTS in her heart. No argument, no anger. I felt lonely.
Originally, I was looking forward to a happy reunion after a long separation. I imagined the scene every day and night before she came to shanghai. I have never thought the reality which I can’t meet and accept. It must be something wrong. Perhaps, it will be the best way for us to have a separation to think the future. We need time indeed.
I have never doubted that I love her from start to finish. However, I know that sometimes she doesn’t feel so happy. I also need more communication, concern and support. I am not sure that I have imposed a severe stress on her. I have to do so because of the hopeless future. I have no confidence about whether our love is so steady to meet the challenge of reality in the future. I don’t want to give up. It is the problem that I regard myself as infallible and ignore her feeling.
Yesterday morning, she said:”I have no idea.” When I had asked her how she love me. Finally, I did understand that she didn’t know how to face with my expectation.
As her boyfriend, I am not excellent enough.
I will still try my best to spend every day.
I don’t know whether I can sleep tonight, but my heart is unprecedentedly purity. August 07 羽球记事（一） 我开始玩羽毛球已经有三年了，三年来这项运动带给我的东西比我想象的要多。
刚放假那会儿，这天气实在是太热了，体能上非常的不适应。这段时间好多了，状态也不错。
自打球开始认识了不少良师益友，大部分是前辈。最近他们都说我实力今非昔比，其实我觉得自己还差得很远。有一次妈妈问我相当于专业的球员我到了什么水平，我很无奈的告诉她我未必能赢12岁的小孩子（通常12岁的小孩子也有4年球龄了），这就是业余和专业的区别。
站在球场上的时候，我想我还是挺开心的，可以暂时忘记烦恼，释放压力。从每一场球中，无论输赢，我都能有所感悟。我想这是这项运动带给我最大的收获。
晚上在同济中学有一场球，希望今天的状态能像昨天一样好。 |
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